Camp Survivor SN is over. There was regret and a sense of finality that this really would be my last camp for guides in a very long time. I was not part of the planning but must say that despite my reservations, the camp turned out pretty okay. The 3 YAs did their job, and were good at it. It was fun having camp with them, guess that's cos I'm close to that batch. It was even more fun being a senior and not having to feel like the organization of the camp rested on your shoulders like I felt with WeeMin/Quek the previous year. I do think they did a good job. Every camp will have its good points and bad, but at the end of the day, there is always accomplishment. I guess I'll blog more when the pictures on FengRu's blog get uploaded, I forgot to bring my camera even though I was charging it during the Chelsea match.

It's been over for a day, but I slept like a log and couldn't go gyming today because my whole body is aching. I feel like I can barely walk and my arms weigh a ton. You spend a lot of time walking up and down in camp. And the thing is that I have to go shopping later to get the remainder of my prom stuff for Thursday. The worst thing is that I put on weight because everytime I go to camp, I end up eating like a pig with more than 2 helpings for every meal. Camp wreaks havoc because you can eat so much for one meal and then eat somemore the next because somehow or other you're extremely hungry all the time burning up energy. Somehow my energy wasn't burnt enough so that I could lose weight! Hmph.

My warzone of a room needs cleaning. I can't bear to get down to do it. I know it'll take at least one whole day. But it needs to be done. The floor has to be seen.

I'm feeling a bit disappointed in myself. In terms of education wise. My efforts should be recognized. Pooh. I'm feeling a bit sulky.

I am mad. I woke up just to go online to see the by play of the Portsmouth-Chelsea match which should be wrapping up about now. It's 308 am now. I know I wake up at similar ungodly hours to watch the Champions League matches but the difference is that I am not watching it on TV in stunning visual colour but online. And I have to get up to go for camp later at 7. Witness my love for Chelsea.

I shall blog about my friday S paper again. About the invigilator. The absolute nicest one we've had. You cannot compare him with the chief examiner because it would be an unfair comparison. He was a History S student as well and it was just so nice to hear someone asking about our paper after the ended, telling us good luck and hope that the questions we spotted came up and actually talking to us like we were mature adults. I do hope he doesn't grow cranky when he gets older. Which I suspect may be the case with the other one.

Portsmouth 0-2 Chelsea

Blessed sleep

No more bad mood. All cured by nice wine. And the fact that the As are over, just finished talking to my best friend YY, and am talking to Hwee, Lala and Nat in MSN. In a much much much better mood than when I came home *toss accusing look at camp but well I guess it's all good now*.

I think I should start at the beginning. First I complain about the fact that they go and put Lit on Wed and then History S on Friday when I have no more mood to study. It's suicide because I really didn't study much for the papers since I didn't feel like it. But History S was okay I suppose. Hope I get a merit. I know people meant well wishing me, but the whole trying to study and not being able to think, which is core for the course, just got to me which resulted in me bursting into a flood of tears. It's not just the knowledge, it's the application of higher level thinking! Thanks Sonya and Lala for enduring my tears. Thanks for all the encouragement you guys. I refer to all those who messaged me good luck. But I really felt kinda stressed after that. =)

Went out with June after that for dinner. What else can I say except I'm still so amazed that we go out together. I think we make fun of each other too much. Hee. It's always fun with June. Seems so different when we were back in SN and she was always so strict being the Company Leader. I think I'm still taller than her but she keeps saying we're the same height.

Had some shit later about guides camp but I think it's resolved. Went to watch Survivor where I just waited for Bobby Jon to appear on the jury because he's so cute. Then my talk with my mum about prom, my talk with YY about prom, my talk with Hwee about overseas education (no worries will only go overseas if get a scholarship which is hard, pooh) and I think later going to watch Terry and Lampard's interview.

The As are over. It has finally set in and I'm ready to whoop for joy.

In a funk. Very bad mood. Stay clear.

-The Happiness-
John Teh and I were playing games on MSN. He needs to fear Teh Cher Hao.
Chelsea has qualified for the Champions League knockout stages.

-The Rawr-
Don't know how to study for History S properly.
Upset that reading Harry Potter HBP has made me want to scream that Snape is a bloody git.
Tired tired tired of the A levels.
Never want to study again but know that is impossible.
Want to take a nap but will probably oversleep.
Only woke up at 1030am so have yet to start studying much.
My room is still a warzone.
Dream that seemed so real and possible and made me cry.

The sensitivity towards everything is overwhelming. Aside from that, the reminder of the unattainable only brings pain of the inability to let go.

Happy Birthday Clara!

Lit:UGH. Nuff said. I had set a record of doing all 6 context questions! JOY. Not.

In a mere 2 days, I will be free. I can almost hear the cheers of joy. Especially from my family who had to tolerate screams of "I'm trying to study so keep quiet!" whenever I had a paper the next day. I can't help it if even the noise from the keys tacking away at the computer makes me irritatable. I simply can't study with noise.

I will be free from this jail sentence. Unless, to quote Dawn "I get my results back then maybe I may get life imprisonment" That was witty. She is lucky, she lives with 3 Chelsea fans. But maybe not so lucky because she's the red in the sea of blue.

I love Chelsea. My Chelsea love comes again from the TADA Chelsea FC Annual with its glossy pages and blueblueblueblueblue. I love it. I love it. *Totally in love with it* Too bad only got a few pictures of Mourinho but what the heck, got Cech, Lampard, Terry, Joe Cole!!! Please let me have a good good day tomorrow and let Chelsea win Anderlect!

And I love Tom Felton. Socutesocutesocute. SO there.

I would write more but I need to go read my Chelsea Annual. And watch the yellow square called spongebob.

Because The Yux made me...

The fear of not doing well tomorrow must not be very strong at the moment considering I've yet to touch Plath and Morrison and don't really get Waugh (I do get what he's trying to say but somehow realise I cannot express it) and yet still come online to blog for the sole purpose of providing entertainment to the person who made me write this. I've got a strong feeling that she does not want to read anymore about the LIT thing so I end the LIT thing with a bang. By quoting "Paul is 'static' and thus cannot survive in the contemporay world, unlike Philbrick, Margot and Grimes, especially Grimes, who are elusive and forever changing shape, able to adapt to what Waugh saw as the instability and formless disarray of modernity" The quote isn't exact but it goes to show that staring at one quote from the introduction for more than 10 minutes enables one to remember it to varying degrees. Goody, that means I have to take more and more time to memorise weird sentences.

Away from LIT.

Urm... okay, let's see. The weather is putting me off studying. Argh. I told myself I would not write anything to do with studying. GOAWAYGOAWAY. I'm trying to think of something else other than studying to blog about because I know how boring it is to read about something that no one really likes to do.

My piano. Yes, that's right. My piano teacher had conveniently reminded me that I have the privilage of attending piano lessons again right after my exams. In december. I resisted the urge to scream, I haven't touched the piano in more than 4 months and you expect me to go for lessons immediately after my exams, playing that exam song to perfection? Oh, the horror. I was hoping to start in January anyway, because then I could have time to get the lost skills back and no one would be the wiser that I hadn't been practicing dilligently my scales or pieces.

I can't help it. The lack of something to blog about has led me to say this... Go watch Harry Potter. Any of the movies. Just go and stare at Draco in all his cuteness! I watched CoS yesterday and he was just too cute. That perfectly coiffed hair is just crying out for me to run my fingers through. And then in the later movies, his fringe! So floppy so cute so badboy. Guess that just appeals to me. And the gushing does not help matters because I count the word cute about 3 times in a paragraph. Gushing thus inhibits my ability to think further than cutecutecute. But... socutesocutesocute. I think I might have to slap myself because the smile that is spreading across my face is just wrong.

I don't know how I can go study when this is running through my head.

Christine is...

Tired of studying and reading about slavery, a woman's obsession with herself and the satirisation of society though she has yet to really read the books or the notes. She has hope that the exam being on Wednesday will spur her on to really study on Tuesday. Unlike today. Studying is foreign and strange after a few days of relaxation.

Feeling annoyed that her back teeth are hurting at the right side. It is either toothache or wisdom teeth making their goodness knows how many attempts to break through the gum. Bloody painful.

Happy that she and YY are still so close after not seeing much of each other last year. Also realised she talked more to her these few weeks (due to certain common topics) than she did at perhaps other times of the year. And the love is still much there.

Enthusiatic about (ahem. okay, realised that perhaps putting this here might make people wonder if Christine is mad but well, it's just a thought) having a go at Tom Felton. All you word virgins go hide yourself. She does not think thoughts like that on a daily basis, just to reassure people.

Wondering about the weird dreams she's been having about Mourinho, Robben and of all people Ruud but he's cute even though he's a Man U player so she's not complaining too much and of certain people she is aqquainted (note the use of the word because it does not connote real close friendship) with that do weird things in her dreams.

Weird because she has done this whole post talking about herself in the third person.

Sonya's birthday celebrations were great with YY and thus the Mango Tree Gang was reunited (drama a bit here la) and there was something truly fantastic to hang out with two of a girl's best pals and know that your day was made just because you had the opportunity to spend time with them. Sonya took some weird pictures at Toys R Us. Ha. We had Fish and Co and then ice cream at Haagen Dazs. That's all. Lucky thing because I felt really full. Do you know they had an initial plan of going to Sakae and even to NYDC or Big O? These people have stomachs that are expandable, must be! Walked around town... And I don't want to say too much about it but I love you guys loads.

Bought my prom dress! Finally. I was fast. I was given 4 dresses to try and I only tried 2 because I liked the first one quite a lot and it's only 70 bucks. Ha. That's good money spent, way cheaper than most people. =) And I get the extra to spend on other things. Yay. Went for cell which somehow I figured that I cannot eat much mussels because I get allergies. Throughout cell my nose was running away with me. Looks like I can only eat like 1 or 2. Can eat crabs, cannot eat prawns. Can eat squid, cannot eat much mussels. Lucky thing I still can take a bit, not like prawns where I can't even take a bite. Boo.

Spent the day before leaving the house and then after returning home watching my beloved Chelsea. Was watching their victory to the League Cup and felt the twinge of sadness that they won't be able to lift the League Cup this year. Just finished watching the interview with Mourinho and I really admire his confidence in the team because sometimes I feel that much as I love Chelsea, I don't have the undeniable confidence in them when they start to lose or play badly. Bad. I must support them all the way. I keep trying to tell myself that there is no way they will go until 6th place again (at least for a few years) like when they were in 2000 and I started supporting them (albeit much less enthusiatically than now which is more like fervent passion because of the presence of people in my life who love football) but it can be furstrating for fans to see their team play not as well... which may be the case recently.

(Falls to the ground in a gesture to kiss the feet of Joe Cole who scored the first goal for Chelsea against Newcastle in the 47 minute)

BTW, dad is a Man U fan. Because of his ties with Manchester Business School. We've just clarified that today because my sister and I have accused him of supporting the Reds and not one particular team and that isn't nice. As in, Liverpool, Man U and Arsenal. But he's the kind of fan that would be more likely to switch if he gets his PHD from somewhere called Liverpool College or something like that for example (which I doubt he'll do, Masters are enough. for now). Weird guy. My sister remains a firm spporter of Mourinho and supports him without relation to any club. My mum maintains that she has a couple of boys whenever the subject of football is brought up and people who wake up at ungodly hours to watch matches are crazy. What does she know. Keane leaves Man U after 12 years. I'm sad to see him go. There's something rather milestony about it.

(Screams with joy at the goal by Crespo at the 51 minute)

I really think I should have SCV so I can actually watch LIVE action rather than depend on BBC for minute updates. Nothing beats watching a game being played in front of your eyes. If I actually had the chance to watch a game at Stamford Bridge, I would probably be at the edge of my seat in pure unadultered excitement.

Here would be where most of my friends would have stopped reading because they don't find football as interesting as I do.

Today's Lit was uninspiring. I felt very weary and tired. Maybe because the drama was a weird piece and the poem while beautiful, could not be comprehended by me. So I did the Prose which was by Philip Jeyarathnam. The author of Abraham's Promise. The book we did for O levels. It was not the same book of course but the thing is that I kept thinking of the role of the teacher which was a theme in that book but not in this prose duh and somehow the fact that Victor is gay kept running through my head. (Apparently that was the same for Jia) Anyway the prose made me feel that life was meaningless, exactly what the writer was trying to convey. Grr.

Rained buckets. Went to buy Sonya's present in town. Wanted to shoot everyone that had contact with me. I'm not one to shy away from touchy feely contact with friends but it's one thing to be touched by a friend and another to be molested by people you don't know who don't have the brains to see that they should wait for the next train because the one that they're desperately trying to get into is full. It's like they would die if they waited another 5 minutes or so. This lady with lots of bags tried to squeeze onto the already crammed to the brim train and she practically shoved this guy's chest into my face. The only good thing was that the guy was kinda cute and he gave me this apologetic smile. Hee. Then, the train jerked and the woman almost stepped onto my limited valentine day edition NIKE shoes. But the guy blocked me from her. Thank goodness or I would have screamed bloody murder. First of all, you come in and cut off my oxygen supply. Then, you almost step onto my shoes. Which is white on the top part. Which is bound to turn black if you had succeeded. Grr. And why do people not have the common sense to not block passageways? This couple was macking in the passageway along Isetan. Go PDA in a hotel or a stairway somewhere! Wait, then it won't be called PDA. My brain was crying out TOPSHOP! ZARA! But the intense desire to step into the shops after more than a few weeks of not going to a shop was quelled by the huge hoards of shoppers who had chosen today of all days to descend upon town in droves, pushing and shoving and trying to suffocate me. I definitely won't have gone to town if not for the purpose of making my friend happy. I can envision myself staying away during the Christmas period where innocent people like me are bound to be molested by some mad shoppers who have no qualms about touching any part of me, especially my ass (goodness knows why) in order to squeeze into trains, buses and shops.

I have resigned myself to the fact that I have little chance of finding a Chelsea loving boyfriend. Man U and Liverpool fans are simply too many. So hear this call!!! Looking for a Chelsea loving boyfriend. Yes yes. Haha. Okay, I think that was to lighten up this mood because for some time this blog was kinda optimistic and then the A levels took over and killed whatever attempt I was trying to make to see the glass as half full. I still haven't gotten the Chelsea annual. And HMV's having a sale which saw the season review drop 10 bucks. Cheat my money! Lucky thing it was a birthday present. Hmph.

I did a question for history wrongly. And feel wretched about it. The more I thought about it the worse I felt. Because that was simply too great a mistake to make. The thought of me not getting an A for history brings me to tears. I never knew I would love history so much. But why else would I take History S when I always thought that in JC I would do Lit S or something else. Maybe even Econs. Ha. But truly, History is MY beloved.

So I simply dissolved into tears when I came home. Courtesy of mum's comment about how I should have expected the standard to be the same as VJ or something crappy like how my future depends entirely on this exam. I refuse to talk to her anymore because of her insensitivity. I never expected History to be easier so I don't know where that comment of hers came from and thanks for making me feel worse. It seems so matter of fact when I said I cried. But there was nothing matter of fact about me sobbing my eyes out in a dark room where nothing else seemed to matter but my history. I can't help it because now I can't be sure of an A. And I want that A badly. Because I love history and I deserve to do well considering it's the one subject that I've been consistently studying for. Seems so strange to say that but wonder of wonders, it's true. I mean, look, Sonya even gave me a history book for my birthday! (Which I love lots because now I can tell you facts about weird things you never thought you wanted to know)

Econs 3 and Lit 1 is over. I'm so glad Econs essays are over. I was panicking in the morning because I was so worried and the only thing that stopped me from really freaking out was the thought that I had committed my results all to God. Truly it'll be by His grace, no matter what I get.

I know I've complained about the As, especially Math (but that one really deserves violent reactions because they cheated my feelings) but I just want to say that I honestly at this point in time, with all numbness, feel that I have yet to hand in a 'wow' A script.

This doesn't mean that I've given up on getting 2 As or even 3. I desperately want them because I need good results to do the course in Uni that I want. Even though I feel like they're Bs, YOU NEVER KNOW. So please, don't call me a hypocrite if I DO end up getting 3 or haha, 4 As. (If its 4, I'll probably faint because of Econs)

And if I do get 3 As you can come and ask me to treat you and then everyone wins. So have I conveyed the message to you yet? Yes I complain but it's because I honestly feel like I didn't do a great job. Maybe the markers will think I did a great job and gimme that A anyway. Not a hypocrite, but merely what I feel after doing the paper. =)

Anyway, I believe that ALL of us will get our As, be it 1 or 2 or more. Yes we will because we're smart and hardworking and good little children. We must all believe in the power of positive thinking. and cookies. (That explains the optimism I guess)

It is very negative to go into the next examination that you'll be taking right after you start complaining about the weird and tough questions and the apparent crap that comes out of your brain to manifest itself on your paper. But I cannot resist because I've been resisting since Tuesday.

Here goes. The story of my A levels. (Or a third of it since I still have 2 more weeks left)

I went into the exam room feeling like I could ace the Math Paper and I expected to go out feeling like I aced the paper. Sadly, I went out feeling like utter shit. I felt cheated, doing all those years of TYS could simply not prepare me enough for the paper. I wonder if looking back, I could have done better but the fear and irrationality of the questions made my mind go blank with horror and disbelief. Still slightly optimistic, because Paper 2 could save my A. Ha! Stats were ... basically I stopped counting the number of marks I lost after it hit 20 plus. I told whoever I could that the people who set the paper ought to be shot and dragged by wild horses over hot coals. Then I decided that death would be too good for them and tried to devise other means of trying to make them pay for the amount of suffering I was going through with this huge blow to my self confidence. Then I decided that I better start doing my history. I slept at 1, trying to study for history and not even studying for GP which I need to get at least a B3 for. I simply couldn't finish. GP essays were weird, or rather I simply could not remember enough facts to do them. I did 3 mindmaps before settling on the question which was about the dependence of the world on oil. I suspect I did not manage to make whatever examples I had bring out the points well enough. It was medicore. The GP passage was kind of weird since it only had one passage. I was suspicious enough to check with the questions to see if I was somehow missing out a passage. I had fun before history because of the people I was sitting with who were trying to study with me. We are all capable of going hysterical when the stress starts to hit us. Then we had to go for history so GP and history in one day. I looked at the source based. It had 4 sources. I looked again. This year is so weird, we normally have 5 sources to evaluate but there were only 4. Lucky thing if not I would not be able to finish. I ended up doing IR, RR and totalitarianism. I wanted to do NI but could not really understand the question. Actually, aside from the IR question, which again was suspiciously easy, I did not really understand the rest. Especially the RR one. My brain refused to put my thoughts in my brain into concrete ideas that made sense.

Anyway, that's it. Tried studying for econs and lit but couldn't really do it. I don't know if I can do lit tomorrow, we'll worry about econs when it comes after tomorrow. Seriously, I don't know the text for country wife well enough and I know that even if I do the context, I probably won't be able to make a real go at it. I need to do a context for merchant's tale too. Unless there's a question on tone and imagery. Then I'll laugh like a madman in the exam venue. And if there's isn't a question on Angelo or Isabella and how they change in the course of Measure for Measure to reflect the themes in the play I'll shoot someone. My context is far from perfect due to the lack of sensitivity to the language. Help.

But through it all, I thank the Lord for seeing me through this past week. It's been ups and downs, mostly downs but the people who've been encouraging me all this while have provided the ups to make up for the downs.

Faith, I can move the mountain

I can do all things through Christ,

I know

Faith, standing and believing

I can do all things through Christ

Who strengthens me

When I heard this song I really felt that the Lord was speaking to me. He was just reassuring me that I can do all things through Christ and that I have the confidence within me to reach for the stars. It's really a wonderful feeling to know that you can depend on the Lord and that He will always be with you.

To all my friends taking exams- We can do it. I believe we can. And faith... can move mountains. =) Good luck. I end on the 25th. Yes, later than most people. Why... some even end on the 18th!

I'm upset. Again. Losing to Man Utd. What's happening to my beloved Chelsea? Grr, I hate to think that somehow football has taken over my life to the extent that when I read the news there were almost tears in my eyes. A little pathetic I know but it hit me (a little out of point here) that my future boyfriend, whoever he may be, had better be a football fan. Even better if he's a Chelsea fan because we can go to Stamford Bridge for a tour during our honeymoon. Haha. This is my way of trying to deal with the loss before I continue with my sad sad tale of woe. To lose twice in a row-one in the group stages of the Champions League and one in the Premiership... I always knew our winning streak couldn't continue forever but well, it was nice to keep winning. (Who doesn't like winning)

Well, there's always the next few seasons for us to be even better, continue with cleansheets, start again for an unbeaten match record and go on to win all 4 trophies- Premiership, FA, League Cup, Champions League. Here's to being optimistic. I better be because Math I is tomorrow and one MUST have a smile (or pretend to) when trying to deal with tedious Math questions. (I'm online taking a probable 3 hour break from dealing with Math Summaries that I've done and wishing that tomorrow's paper will be so easy for me that I'll burst out laughing in the middle of the exam venue)

I really didn't want to end my blog post right before the As on such a note. So I shall smartly publish this post first then publish another post.

Because I feel like blogging and because my dad has finally decided to take a break after sitting at the laptop for ages typing out his exam questions.

I spent the whole day doing history. And a little bit of Math. Did Russian Rev, Totalitarianism and Imperialism. Seems like alot right? Somehow it wasn't that comprehensive but considering how much time we have left, I'm quite happy with today's revision. WeeMin rocks when it comes to Math. I'm so glad I can look to her for explanations when I don't know how to do the questions. Doing Totalitarianism reminded me of Jia who has learnt much from the failed leaders of how to prevent the loss of her dictatorship when she does become a dictator.

Sonya's birthday list is out. I love her so much (though she's inclined to think I'm clingy and I must admit that I can be sometimes) I feel like getting her 2 things on her list and something else that's sweet and girly. But I don't think I have much time to look around for the something that's sweet. (I also love my best friend YY alot and would get her the Chanel Chance if I had the money) Actually it somehow seems that I have alot of money to spend on people but it's not! It would leave me broke but I was saving up for their birthdays. They mean so much to me that it would be worth it to see their faces and smiles when I give them their presents. (Though it's also the thought that counts) =)

Excited about going to church tomorrow after not going last week. Miss my Claralala... Though she scares me when she calls me Chrissy poo. I've already been called Chrissy and Christie by Gladys and my classmates, notably Hwee and it's been spreading, have been spelling my name Xtine. Does Lala have to add the poo??? Ha. What happened to the normal Chris? (Or worse when my mum decides to put my sister's and my name together in a mixed version of chrischer-said very fast)

I want A levels to come. Now. Even though I'm far from being prepared and ready to ONZ the exam, it's getting quite boring and tiring and sian to just keep studying and re reading stupid lecture notes that I can barely remember after a few hours. I know I'm not the only one feeling that way.

Jose Mourinho and the players promise new attitudes. Please let it manifest in the Man U game this sunday! Frank Lampard has been named Player of the Month for October. Whee.

Btw, Sonya's list idea has given me a very very good idea of putting up my own list for Christmas though if you got me anything that has to do with Chelsea I would be happy happy. Putting up lists always makes things easier for people. There's still the thought but both parties would be happy at least. =) Probable last post before A levels on Sunday or Monday.

On a last note, I love all my friends. I really do. =) Another smiley face.

Time again to update whoever reads this blog on my life. See, you don't tag me, I don't know who bothers to read, I may not bother to update. Ha. Anyway...

1)I didn't do much for the first few days of the week because I still felt the giddiness and after-effects of the fever that attacked me end of last week. Hopefully it's gone.

2)Math is scary. Stats in TYS is harder than stats in VJ. Like what nonsense.

3)Econs gives added headaches and stress.

4)I hate studying UN for history 3. Anything might come out. Please don't give me international law and human rights!!!!

5)Lit? What Lit? Haven't started studying for Lit this week.

6)Chelsea lost to Real Betis 0-1. To a team that they trashed 4-0 in the previous Champions League match. Mourinho terms the match as the most disappointing since he arrived last season.

7)I keep thinking of eating at Marche, or Fish and Co, or Jacks. I blame, Gladys, Mum, Dad for each respective restaurant.

8)We finally have Coke Light in the house! I love Coke Light. I love the taste though I know those who love the Original Coke probably think I'm mad.

9)Today is the 11th day I have not stepped out of the house since coming back from VJ last Monday. I don't think going to the doctor's and just going to Hougang Mall for an hour for lunch with family really counts. Actually Lunch would count but it was too short for me to even process that I was smelling fresh air for once.

10)I realised my phobia of musical boxes/toys from childhood is still there. I swear I'll beat up the person who dares to give me one. I know they're pretty but somehow I'm afraid they'll never stop playing. Stupid huh but everyone has their fears.

11)Finally, I want to do well in the As. I don't know if I can because as always, just before any major exam or end of year, I indulge in low self esteem and lack of confidence and mum has to reassure me that it's ok if I don't do well. I just don't want to disappoint anyone, especially those who have been so encouraging and supportive towards me. I will get at least 2 As! (Now we laugh because I was just despairing over the stats a while ago)

The next update would be ... probably either happiness or sadness when Chelsea play Man U at Old Trafford on Sunday.

I am stunned. Probably at a loss for words. After being on a sugar syrup high courtesy of bean curd which saw me wishing I could really bounce on the ceiling and typing out an email with lots of exclamation marks, the high left me after I went blog surfing.

Was talking to the Lord last night- you know, just a conversation after being grateful, and I honestly thank Him for giving me a clear direction. I'm at a point where I don't know if where and what I want to do is what God wants me to do but I can see that I'm in the process of working it out. Sounds contradictory-having a clear direction and not having one. What I mean is that I'm very clear that my interest lies in the Arts, the leaning towards the Humanitites so I can see myself being happier doing something in Arts and Social Sciences at NUS (Pol Science probably) rather than business at NTU. I haven't ruled out business admin at NUS yet but the interest level isn't as fervent as in something more Humanities based. But not Lit. Not econs. That I'm sure. (I love Lit but really I can't do it. I'm not especially sensitive to language sometimes- O level ok, A level... dunno, Undergrad... don't even wanna think about it) I love the beauty of language but sometimes can't identify the right word to show it.

Some may question why I'm thinking about this even before I take my A levels, considering it's in a matter of days. But it's good to have a goal, something to focus on.

Interested in doing Law. But I was blog surfing blogs of people who were doing Law, not just in Singapore, but in the US and UK. And they have millions of papers to write and tons of stuff to read and millions of case studies to read and blah blah blah. Of course it scared me, who wouldn't be scared? But then I realised that if my interest is really there, I won't be deterred by all the work and the after 4 years of studying still must do attachment and don't know what else before can even practice. And then it hit me that yes, I can do it if I want to. And I do. Complains are natural but I want to be given that chance to complain! I mean, I might want to do Law but Law may not want me. So hopefully my A levels will be ok, my GP will be ok, then I can try. If not, I'm sure I can do something that I enjoy. =)

And that is what I thank the Lord for. For giving me the chance to do what I enjoy. Some people are deterred by their parents or what they think may give them more options even when they don't enjoy it. I feel that interest will be the one that sustains a person through life. My parents, mum in particular, likes to moan about me not going for some science thing but she accepts that I find the Humanities more to my liking.

Then again, some wandering Law student might chance across my blog and label me a mad person. I mean, you never know, in a few years, you might be in Law and then regret it or love it... The future of infinite possibilities. How positive and optimistic. (Yes, must go and reread this post if I ever get into Law and then bitch about the work, must remember that I wanted it) -Just like how I bitch about the S paper presentations but I actually do enjoy thinking on a higher intellectual scale. (I'm not saying that those who do only A level don't think on that scale-it was never intended)

Thank You Lord for putting me where I am today and was in the past. For making me who I am. For giving me the friends and opportunities that I had. There is always a reason for Your actions.

--And yes one more thing. Chelsea FC Annual is out in Kino already! And I have to wait about 3 weeks before I can get a copy. Even more if they run out of stock. Pootie.

(And you thought this would be a post where I would be all serious-ha! They're in Spain now btw, getting ready for the match on Tuesday against Betis-- apparently they brought rain to Spain)